Next Steps

Next Step Guide for Domestic Violence Survivors

From a Survivor’s Perspective

 

1. Recognize You Deserve Better

The first step is understanding that you deserve respect, love, and safety. It's easy to feel like you're trapped or that you can't leave, but remind yourself that your life, health, and happiness are worth fighting for. You are not at fault for the abuse, and you don't need to stay in a dangerous environment out of guilt or fear. No one deserves to be hurt.

 

2. Reach Out for Support

You don’t have to go through this alone. Whether it’s a close friend, family member, or a professional counselor, connecting with someone who can offer a listening ear is vital. Many survivors feel isolated, but there are people and organizations ready to help. If you're not ready to speak to someone you know personally, there are helplines you can reach out to confidentially.

 

National Domestic Violence Hotline (USA): 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

 

Domestic Violence Helpline (UK): 0808 2000 247

 

Women's Aid (UK): www.womensaid.org.uk

 

3. Make a Safety Plan

Your safety is the priority. Think about how you can safely leave, what you need to take with you, and where you can go. This plan doesn’t have to be perfect, but it should be a foundation that can help you stay safe when things escalate. Key things to consider include:

 

An emergency bag: Important documents, clothes, medications, and anything you may need if you need to leave quickly.

 

Safe places: Identify spots in your home where you can go to avoid being trapped. Think of exits, places where you can hide, or areas that provide you with safety.

 

Code word: If you can’t speak freely, create a code word with a trusted friend or family member to alert them that you need help.

 

Escape route: Know the quickest route out of your home if things get dangerous.

 

4. Document Everything

Keep track of the abuse as best as you can. This can be important for legal reasons later, whether for a restraining order, custody battles, or police reports. If you can, keep a journal, take photos of injuries, or save text messages or recordings (if it’s safe to do so).

 

Keep evidence safe: Store it somewhere secure, like in a cloud or with a trusted friend, in case your abuser finds it.

 

Report to authorities if possible: If you’re ready, reporting the abuse to the police can be a crucial step in protecting yourself.

 

5. Consider Legal Help

Legal professionals can guide you through the process of getting a restraining order, child custody, or divorce. Many areas offer free or low-cost legal aid to survivors of domestic violence. Don’t hesitate to ask for help navigating the legal system—it can feel overwhelming, but legal protections are there for your safety.

 

6. Create Emotional Distance

Leaving or even just planning to leave can be emotionally taxing. It’s normal to feel conflicted. Abusers often manipulate emotions to keep you in the relationship—guilt, love, fear of the unknown, and promises of change. But remember, these are tactics to keep you from breaking free.

 

Take time for yourself. Whether it’s journaling, meditating, or seeking therapy, work on processing the emotional trauma. Healing takes time, but you’ll get there.

 

7. Seek Counseling or Therapy

Surviving domestic violence can deeply affect your mental health, and it’s important to seek professional support. Therapy or counseling helps you work through the trauma, rebuild your sense of self-worth, and deal with emotional scars. There are therapists and support groups who specialize in working with survivors, and these spaces can help you feel less alone and more empowered.

 

8. Take Back Control of Your Life

As you begin to break free from the abusive situation, remember that you are rebuilding your life. The road to healing may feel like a maze with twists and turns, but every step forward is progress. Focus on small victories, like regaining control of your finances, finding stable housing, or rekindling your passions.

 

Start to focus on who you are outside of the abuse—your goals, interests, and dreams. Reclaim your identity, your voice, and your power.

 

9. Build a Supportive Network

Surround yourself with people who believe in you and support your healing. This might include close friends, family, therapists, or support groups. Survivors often benefit from peer support—people who understand the trauma firsthand. Consider attending domestic violence support groups, where you can share your experiences and hear others’ stories.

 

10. Be Kind to Yourself

Healing doesn’t happen overnight, and that’s okay. Be patient with yourself through the process. You may have setbacks, bad days, and moments of self-doubt. It’s important to recognize that these are part of the journey. You are strong for getting to this point, and you are stronger for choosing to move forward.

 

Every step, no matter how small, is a step towards reclaiming your life and your future.

 

Remember: You Are Not Alone.

There is a whole community of people who care about you, who understand your struggles, and who want to help you heal. You are stronger than you may realize. Take your time, take the steps that feel right for you, and know that you are worthy of a life filled with peace, love, and joy.